I did the numbers. I’m 27-27-1 this year.
Honestly, that’s much better than I thought it would be. Especially because I went 4-16-1 in the first 6 weeks of the season.
Most people would see those numbers and quit or flat-out kill themselves. Not me. I’m built different.
I’m gritty.
Chiefs @ Broncos
Chiefs -10.5, O/U 45
Okay. So this is it. I’ve been fading the Chiefs the whole goddamn year. It’s been an absolutely terrible decision. They decided they knew how to play football at some point during the season, and have been covering machines (when they win) ever since.
The Broncos are such an “almost good team but actually bad team”. When they get a quarterback this off-season, Denver is gonna make some noise. But right now they’re going to go off and end this season with a pathetic whimper as the Chiefs absolutely beat the shit out of them with no remorse.
Last week I said that they were going to have to play their starters this week and look where we are. This week I’m going to say, as painful as it may be, that the Chiefs will cover.
Chiefs -10.5
Cowboys @ Eagles
Cowboys -4, O/U 43.5
Mike McCarthy has been a total dumbfuck this whole year and he’s going to continue that streak of being a total dumbfuck. He’ll play his starters and they’ll whoop up on the Eagles.
Then they’ll lose in the Wild Card round.
Cowboys -4.
Saints @ Falcons
Saints -3.5, O/U40
The Saints are kinda shitty. They’re doing this thing where they act like they’re hard because they’ve whooped up on teams, but really they just beat up on some old guy and his hurt friends.
Yes, that old guy was the best Quarterback in history, so it does hold some clout, but it was also a primetime game and Tom Brady plays like shit in regular season Primetime games. Everyone knows that.
And this is probably Matt Ryan’s last game with the Falcons and he’s probably going to go the fuck off.
Give me Falcons +3.5. Sprinkle the ML if you’re feeling sassy.
Jets @ Bills
Bills -16.5, O/U 40.5
That’s too many points. The Bills lost to the Jags 9-6. 16.5 is SOOOO many points. Like, 15 points is a lot of points, 15.5 points is a whole lot of points, 16 points is so many points, but man 16.5 points is SOOOO many points.
Jets +16.5.
Chargers @ Raiders
Chargers -3, O/U 49
Remember when we thought Branden Staley was smart and then we all realized he was shitty and I said he runs a bad cult?
If you don’t remember:
“The Chargers are a cult that you’re kind of into, but they got weird shit going on. Branden Staley promised us a land where we could have complete freedom and joy when he said those cool things in that interview about running the ball and we were all really into it. Then he told us that the only way to get into that promised land is by marrying a horse and consummating the marriage on a bed of rusty nails when the Chargers ran the ball and played like shit and lost in pathetic ways and now we’re all like, “Yo, this guy kinda sucks. Let’s get outta here”
It’s going to be an awesome game. It’s going to come down to a 2 minute drill where Branden Staley goes for it on 4th down and converts, then he’s going to go for it on 4th down again later on and he won’t convert and their season is going to end. Then all the Old School football Hardos are going to call him a nerd all offseason.
I can’t wait.
Raiders +3.
Seal it in Blood.