One of my 2021 New Years' resolutions was to get to 185 pounds. That was also my New Years Resolution for 2019 and 2020. I was successful both of those years, but not this year.
What I do is start the year at 185, balloon my way up to 205 or something like that throughout the year, then right around the beginning of November I start to get away from drinking beer and I start casually drinking liquor. Then I do my normal amount of activity (walking the dog twice a day) and the weight melts right off. The next year comes around and I copy/paste the exact same resolution and life goes on.
Then you throw in some bullshit injury like a ruptured ACL (which is actually worse than a torn ACL, I found that out) and you end up gaining 10 more pounds. It really is bullshit. I lived my life in perfect harmony and all it took was a blowout on one of my wheels to throw my life into disarray. Now I have High Cholesterol and High Triglycerides. Just because of the ACL and nothing else, probably.
The point is, always have a second New Years' resolution to fall back on, and that resolution is to go positive this year.
Chiefs @ Bengals
Chiefs -5, O/U 51
Another week of life means it’s another week for me to fade the Chiefs.
Honestly, it’s one of those things where I made the decision at the beginning of the season to fade them and now it’s kind of dicking me… Ya know… since they’ve covered 6 in a row… But again, I’ve gone too far to turn back now. This really seems like one of those bananas games where Ol’ Patty fucks around and throws 3 interceptions while Joe Burrow watches and tucks it into his waistband.
This seems like too weird of a season for there to be a team to clinch home-field advantage in week 17. I think the Chiefs lose this game. That’s what I think. I think the Chiefs lose this game and have to play their starters in week 18. Am I confident in that?
Fuck no. Give the Bengals and points though.
Bengals +5.
Cardinals @ Cowboys
Cowboys -6, O/U 51.5
Yes, the Cardinals suck right now. But they also have the potential to not suck, and that’s interesting to me. If a team has a pretty good chance of sucking, then yeah, I’d never bet on them. But if a team has just an OK chance of sucking? Now I’m listening.
6 points it’s a lot of points. Did you know that? Of course you did because you’re not a dumbass.
I think Dallas is going to be pretty happy with their tummies all full from last week when they absolutely ate Washington’s lunch in prime time, and now the Cardinals are going to catch them taking a siesta.
That’s what I think.
Will the Cardinals win? Probably not. They might suck.
Cardinals +6
Vikings @ Packers
Packers -6.5, O/U46.5
Packers laying less than a touchdown? Ok.
Against a division rival? Cool.
Clinching Homefield, potentially? Great.
Kirk Cousins in Primetime? For sure.
Earning Coach of the Year for LaFleur? Why not.
Rodgers trying to win MVP? Totally.
Summation: Packers -6.5
The first letters of all those spells “Packers” but you already knew that, because as we discussed, you’re not a dumbass.
Packers -6.5