Much like Game of Thrones, this finale is going to suck ass. We know this because every preseason finale sucks ass. And when we can go on a history of ass sucking, we know that the future will probably continue with the trend of ass sucking. You might think, “Jake, it would be a statistical anomaly for preseason finale weekend to literally always suck ass. Couldn’t there be some positive regression toward the sucking of ass?”
No. It’s going to continue to suck the correct amount of ass. The ass suckage will remain constant.
I have 2 plays here that I don’t condone, therefore they will not count towards my record which is 3-3. I am only laying them out here for content’s purposes:
1. Ravens -3.5 @ WFT
John Harbaugh is on a crazy tear in the preseason. He’s won like 19 straight preseason games and he’s 17-1-1 ATS or something like that. I like that a lot. The issue here is that the last preseason game is going to suck ass and for some reason I feel like I shouldn’t trust him now, which definitely says more about me than it does him. If there is a play to be made here, it’s to bet on John Harbaugh and his ability to care about things no one else cares about.
Ravens -3.5
2. Sweetheart Teaser on the under for a whole bunch of the games.
Getting 10 points on the under? I’m in. Let's do that and hope for the worst.
If you’re not familiar with teasing, the general idea is that you get better odds for your bet by moving the number in a direction that is beneficial to you.
Say there are 4 games with O/Us of 35, 36, 37, and 38.
If you parlayed those unders, you’d be looking at around a 12:1 payout.
If you played a 6 point teaser on the under, those numbers would move to 41 (35+6), 42 (36+6), 43 (37+6), and 44 (38+6).
Now the odds of the unders hitting are better, so your payout would be less. Around 2.5:1.
So if we take the unders on these games, which have been pretty profitable, bump that number up 10 points with a teaser, then we MIGHT be able to have fun.
Again. I don’t like either of these plays, but here they are. The season starts in 2 weeks, and I’m not trying to go crazy on some bullshit 4th stringers.
Oh, you want college football picks?
Nebraska -6.5. Why? Illinois’ defense sucks ass.