I do my best to not think about things. Like when I was making chili: I thought that one Ghost Pepper wasn’t going to give me enough spiciness, and here I am suffering from undiagnosed ulcers. Bad move thinking I could make a good decision. Or yesterday, I thought it was going to be a good idea to knock out both my COVID Booster Shot and a Flu shot. Again, here I am hoping a stranger jumps out of a shadow and cuts off both of my arms.
I don’t think good.
It’s statistically impossible for me to be wrong about everything I think about and I think I have a goo.. A GREAT play for tonight. This one’s gonna hit baby.
Buccaneers @ Eagles
Buccaneers -7, O/U 53
There are a lot of reasons to like the Buccaneers in this game. They have an incredibly talented receiving core. The Eagles have given up over 40 points this year when they’ve played good quarterbacks. Tampa Bay has the second-best offense in the NFL. Tom Brady is their quarterba…
Wait… Wait wait wait. That last one… That’s not good for the Buccs.
“Jake, you thin-haired bitch. Tom Brady is coming off a killer game. He’s the best to ever do it and the Eagles are among the worst teams in the league. You don’t deserve to have me reading this sloppy, oft-grammatically incorrect, unedited shit”
No wait please don’t go. Give me a chance baby.
What if I told you that Tom Brady hasn’t covered a regular-season Primetime game as a Buccaneer? Not just the Saints Sunday night game last year, where the Buccs got their dicks shoved in. Not just the Thursday Night Bears game where he forgot it was 4th down. But 5 games. 5. Five. V.
Tom Brady is 0-5 ATS on regular-season Primetime games as a Buccaneer. He’s an old man with an incredibly regimented schedule playing on a short week. There is a legitimate possibility that he doesn’t play well past his bedtime. 0-5 ATS is enough of a sample size for me. Shit, the last time he played on a Thursday with a short week was THAT Bears game. Those Bears are definitely worse than this Eagles team. Just saying...
Also, Tampa Bay’s defensive backfield is ass. A guy I played football with in high school that was two years older than me is playing Cornerback for the Buccs. The Buccs Defensive backfield is Starting-a-31-year-old-corner-from-Saint-Charles-Missouri-level ass. That’s a whole new level of ass.
There is more than a 50% chance that I’m onto something here, whether you like it or not.
Eagles +7. Seal. It. In. Blood.